There are two main things to consider when you want to say NO to sexual contact.
BE ASSERTIVE: SAY WHAT YOU FEEL
1. Saying NO instead of being quiet or passive is sometimes difficult. Often people will think: "NO, I don't want to do this!" but say nothing, hoping nothing will happen.
Saying NO is not easy. Many people worry that a partner won't like them unless they have a sexual relation. Men, especially, may be socialized to believe that they are not supposed to say 'no' to sex.
DON'T BE TALKED INTO SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT
2. Sometimes when you say NO you are not heard or listened to. You may have to repeat your intentions many times and be very clear that you do not want sex, at that time, or with that person.
What can you do if your partner does not listen?
- Be clear that you do not want sex now.
- Use body language that reinforces your feelings (e.g. Don't laugh or smile as you say 'no'.)
- Repeat 'NO' if the person continues making sexual advances.
- Make it clear to the person that just because you like them, you do not necessarily want to have sex.
- Even if sexual contact has started, you can still try to stop it at any time. Try saying firmly, "No, I don't want to do this".
- Know what you want and don't be talked into something you don't want.
- There may be part of you that wants to have sex; if so, make sure you are clear about what you are willing and unwilling to do.
- Keep repeating NO! STOP! and push the person away if sexual overtures continue.
Note: Although being assertive is your best way to avoid unwanted sexual contact, there are situations where it does not work. Then you may be dealing with a possible sexual assault. These situations often occur with people who are known or familiar. There are many organizations that teach self-defense strategies and ways to confront potentially violent situations.
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